The Heart of a Broken Man
Sometimes I did not have the energy and would stay where I had stopped.
Asked what I feared I openly told him the pool of despair that awaited me.
Potentially I could plunge deep into the pool and be lost.
Depression and anxiety come hand in hand and I like many humans I was in that rut.
The negative attitude fueled by the tinnitus was wearing me down.
The beliefs and the consequences of the cycle were too strong.
There is a lot of debate associated with a human who thinks about suicide and a person who commits suicide for reasons that are very personal to that individual who is in that state of mind at the time. Respectfully I will not get involved in that debate for this attempt was associated with my life.
As I sat admiring the view from the cliff top on my favorite bench on that Good Friday thinking things over and trying to analyse and in my own mind trying to understand what was happening to my life, it was like a switch being turned on and in a split second I was up and headed towards the cliff edge with at that moment in time my feet going over.
To this day I cannot really understand or explain how I failed to go over the edge.
A force hit me hard in my chest and I was thrown back onto the ground.
Scrambling back I came back to the bench were I had previously been sat.
A few individuals came to my aid in which I assured them that I was OK and asked for some privacy, I was embarrassed and very emotionally upset.
I quickly got on my bike and left as you can imagine with a lot on my mind.
How I ended up in the church where I got married was not planned but there I was looking up at a stained glass window of Jesus surround by lambs.
Was I a religious person, not at the time, yet here I was sat crying in pew wondering what divine force had thrown me back from the edge.
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