Friends

Friends 

 

Stand by me, 

I will stand by you, 

You don’t have to stand alone, 

Lean on me, 

I will lean on you, 

Supporting we will see it through, 

Sometimes things go wrong even though we do no wrong, 

I will talk to you, 

You can talk to me, 

Together we will see it through, 

So lean on me and I will try to be strong, 

I will support you so you want fall, 

I will smile to make you happy and tell you it will be alright, 

Hopefully you will then sleep through the night, 

Together we will try to ease the pain so that we can survive, 

To see a new start to a day, 

A day with a little less sorrow, 

Perhaps that day will be tomorrow. 

Words

Words 

 

If I could find the words to say, 

To brighten up someone else’s day, 

To bring a smile or a cheeky grin, 

To send the blues away, 

I would speak these words every day, 

To shelter those in the pouring rain until the sun would return again, 

To ease a burden in the darkest hour, 

The words would come from above, 

In whom I have learned to trust, 

I would speak them freely, 

To release them from the burden, 

Those with a troubled heart, 

To bring light to those lost in the dark. 

Rising

Rising 

Orange globe ascending slowly, 

Morning has broken to a day we don’t know, 

From the East the dawn starts to show, 

Warming rays gradually shine, 

As the morning starts to grow, 

Showing shadows grace the land, 

Stirring beasts from their sleep, 

Rising higher in the sky, 

To its common spot, 

Gracing land with golden rays, 

That’s what makes summer days, 

On its trajectory course, 

Travelling on its route, 

Cotton wool clouds drift in front, 

Guided by a breeze,  

Fueled by vapors as we know, 

Fed by the seas, 

Descending slow in the West, 

Gradually changing places, 

Temperature change as rays retreat, 

Shadows reduce in length, 

The day now becomes night, 

Lit by a lunar light.  

 

The Act

The Act 

Like an actor on the stage, 

I play my part, 

The clown, 

Performing on a daily basis, 

Entertaining the crowds who relish in my fall, 

Laughing at my performance, 

Fake smile shown, 

To hide my pain, 

The stage has been set, 

The play unfolds the actors play their part, 

Scripts unknown, 

The play goes on, 

Until the final act. 

 

 

The Show

The Show 

Another day,  

Another way, 

To play my part on this stage that has been chosen, 

Although my heart is broken, 

The strength to carry on, 

To smile and grin to speak the words as chosen, 

To disguise the pain, 

The show must go on, 

I must remain strong, 

Even though I feel like choking with all this heart felt emotion, 

I know the show must go on, 

Viewed by many like a soap on the telly, 

My character plays his part, 

To be hated or to be loved, 

Criticized or praised, 

The role is played day after day, 

The show will go on until the final cut. 

 

 

Fact

Fact

Can’t change a thing, 

It’s been and gone, 

Stand tall, 

Move on, 

No regrets, 

Be strong, 

Yesterday’s gone, 

Here and now, 

Somehow life goes on. 

As I start again.

Surviving the Day

Surviving the Day 

Another day over, 

Not too bad, 

Survived the day without being sad, 

Listened to a song on the radio, 

It helped me to mellow, 

As I deal with this peril, 

Other days will follow, 

Hopefully a better day tomorrow, 

To leave yesterday’s pain in the pouring rain, 

The days are better when the sun comes out, 

When the birds are singing, 

Kids are playing, Joy is about, 

Learning to laugh and joke, 

To let happiness show, 

A smile to show,

To those that know, 

How sad it has been leaving the past.  

 

 

Past

Past 

I listen to the music of yesterday, 

Lyrics that mean so much to me, 

Take me back to my past, 

Where I could just have fun and laugh, 

Memories of good times I had, 

Where I had no worries at all, 

I stood proud and tall, 

Friendships forged, 

I sing along with songs to heal my pain, 

Remembering the days when it was fun to be young, 

Dancing with Angels in the pouring rain, 

Helping me to heal pain, 

As I start over again putting the pieces together, 

A broken heart torn apart, 

Oh those lyrics of the past. 

 

Rhythm of Defeat

Rhythm of Defeat 

Dance in the rain, 

Ease the pain, 

Learn to live again, 

Dance to rhythm, 

Feel your heart beat, 

Let the music guide your feet, 

Play in the puddles, 

Stamp you’re feet, 

Show the world you are not weak, 

Heavy down pours, 

Moderate showers, 

A bit of drizzle, 

Before you know the rain will go, 

The sun will then warm your soul. 

Control

Control 

 

Silent times, 

Contained words, 

Body language to those who know, 

What I am going through, 

As I think things through, 

Deciding what I will do. 

 

 

Today

Today 

 

Sunshine in the rain, 

Those lyrics of that song again, 

I don’t see those rays, 

To brighten up my day, 

Dark clouds above, 

In the rain I am lost, 

Suffering in the pain, 

Yearning for a new day,  

To start over again. 

 

 

Light

Light 

 

Guiding light shining bright will help you on your way, 

In the darkest places in can brighten your saddest day, 

In the dead of the night it will shine bright, 

No need to be afraid, 

Your guiding light is here to stay, 

Trust in faith is all you need and the light will guide your way, 

A beacon that you can depend on should you lose your way. 

 

 

 

 

Extinguished

Extinguished 

What has been has gone, 

Cannot change a thing, 

The light has faded, 

Flame extinguished, 

Love extinct, 

Heart broken, 

In sorrow, 

Praying to survive tomorrow, 

Trust betrayed, 

Praying to survive the day, 

There has to be a way, 

Faith above is in what you must trust to guide you on your way, 

A guiding light, 

In the darkest night, 

Will help you not to stray, 

Don’t give in, 

Start to begin, 

Rebuild again, 

It will come right in the end. 

 

 

The Act

The Act 

Like an actor on the stage, 

I play my part, 

The clown, 

Performing on a daily basis, 

Entertaining the crowds who relish in my fall, 

Laughing at my performance, 

Fake smile shown, 

To hide my pain, 

The stage has been set, 

The play unfolds the actors play their part, 

Scripts unknown, 

The play goes on, 

Until the final act. 

The Sun Days

The Sun Days 

 

The sun comes up, 

The sun goes down, 

No problem does it face, 

Looking down upon the world, 

Caressing it with its grace, 

A gentle glow a warm embrace, 

The warmth delivered from its golden rays, 

Waking in the East, 

Sleeping in the West, 

Daily it blesses us with its grace, 

Glowing way up high in the sky, 

Radiant beams shining down on a daily basis, 

Sometimes hidden from view, 

Desperate to break through, 

Warm and bright, 

It’s a delight, 

Its beams caress faces, 

For no problem does it know, 

Rising continually on its cycle, 

Heated rays on sunny days put smiles on many faces, 

Glowing bright it is a sight so eagerly awaited, 

For way up high in the sky in its rightful place, 

Glowing bright before the night when it exchanges places. 

 

 

The Line

The Line 

Walking the line, 

Memories to remind me of days gone by, 

Alone I walk with my thoughts hoping to clear my mind, 

Along the beach with sand at my feet, 

Waves crashing in as they breach, 

On the golden beach, 

Boats floating in the harbour, 

A protected armada, 

Overlooked by the Inn, 

A place watch the sun go in, 

To a favourite seat overlooking the beach beneath, 

Where the young love to play in the park on a sunny day, 

The steam train goes by with a puff of smoke,  

Waved on by many as it goes, 

Over hills far away, 

Up and down the hills to another place, 

On this line walked my many, 

The smell of sea salt air is plenty, 

It helps to make you feel at ease, 

In the gentle breeze, 

The sounds of gull’s are with you all the way, 

Seals pop up to say hello, 

Curious they are as we know. 

 

 

Dreaming

Dreaming  

Dare I dream? 

Could it become reality? 

Dark of the night thinking that steals me from my sleep, 

Thinking of all the things deep within my mind, 

Churning over and over, 

Will they ever end? 

Will it always be like this? 

Can it ever end? 

Am I to be tortured until the bitter end? 

 

 

Tear Stained Scars

Tear Stained Scars 

 

Tear stained scars portray my past, 

Lessons learnt from a failed romance, 

Broken hearted a rhythm dance, 

Fluttering beats from the defeat, 

Rejection flowing within these veins, 

As walls start to build, 

A fortress to protect myself, 

To ease my pain, 

Long periods in the dark, 

Left in a place called yesterday, 

To live my remaining days another way, 

Looking to the sky, 

Blue in my eyes, 

As cotton wool clouds past, 

Soaring high, 

In a breeze, 

A way to feel free, 

Dreaming of what could be, 

If I could have faith and believe, 

To believe in me. 

 

 

Awakening

Awakening  

It is not a dream, 

It is reality, 

As I open my mind to what I see, 

Viewed with clear clarity, 

For this is real, 

Real to me, 

The vision that I see, 

The emotions felt, 

From what I see, 

Oh how it affected me, 

Mentally, 

Not in control of the cards that have been dealt, 

Life can change instantly, 

This is what happened to me, 

Starting again after the lessons learnt, 

Rising to my feet, 

After my defeat, 

Ready to start again, 

No longer am I weak. 

 

 

Path of Life

Path of life 

 

Path of life, 

Lead me to my destiny, 

Show me all the beautiful things that I am meant to see, 

Detour around the ugly parts and places where no human should go, 

Lead to places where memories are made, 

Where the sun shines endlessly, 

Let me be humble and gifted with empathy, 

To show kindness and love freely, 

Lead me on the path where I can live my life in full, 

Happy and contently, 

 

 

The Walk on Paths

The Walk on Paths 

 

Walk on paths on the land, 

Over grass, 

Over sand, 

Walking every day to pass the time away, 

Watching and listening on the way, 

Other people out and about, 

A little pause here, 

A little pause there, 

Try and figure things out, 

Everyone’s different in an individual way, 

Young and old, 

All actors on a stage, 

Different characters expressing themselves in their own way,  

Life goes on every day, 

All walking on paths on the land, 

Living that way to life’s great plan. 

 

 

The Key

The Key  

 

The key to my mind is my heart, 

Lost in the labyrinth in the dark, 

Searching for a guiding light to assist me to escape, 

I don’t understand the mystery within, 

Not even a clue where to begin, 

Afraid to open my eyes to let you inside to analyse, 

To let you see my tortured soul, 

That’s a definite no, 

A shattered heart, 

So many parts, 

How to peace the jigsaw together again, 

Not knowing where to start, 

A private hell, 

An infernal within, 

A supernova about to explode, 

Emotional overload, 

Raging infernal, 

Flamed by anger, 

Of what has expired, 

Lava flowing through my veins, 

Feeding on the pain, 

In a familiar way, 

Day after day, 

Not knowing how to switch off, 

The love that has been lost, 

Beauty killed the beast, 

After bringing him to his knees, 

Deceiving him of the love he held, 

The one he loved who threw him into hell, 

No other way to ease the pain, 

Just learn how to dance in the rain, 

Learn a new rhythm and go with your feet, 

Follow your heart and go with the beat.  

 

Survival

Survival 

Standing on my feet, 

Surviving my defeat, 

Putting the pieces together, 

Missing the center piece, 

Life is different as I look around, 

Breathing I am, As I stand, 

On my own, 

Grateful for each day I have, 

Time on my hands, 

No plans, 

My direction is forward from where I am, 

What will be will be, 

With hope and faith with me.  

Ashes

Ashes 

 

From the ashes of a burnt out zone, 

An ember a glow, 

Ignition of o sign of life, 

As a flame starts to show, 

Fueled by oxygen as its true colour starts to warm, 

A flame bursts into life, 

Keen to remain, 

Flame came back to life from a traumatic past, 

Burning bright with a desire to remain a light, 

A warming glow to show it’s still alive, 

Keen to share it’s heat in order to socialise, 

Hoping that others will fuel its desire to survive, 

A flame to grow for all to see, 

A beacon to all lost souls to give them hope when times get cold, 

If they end up in the burnt out zone, 

It’s so cold in the burnt out zone, 

Walking around with your head hanging low, 

All alone, 

Cold in the burnt out zone, 

Searching for a sign,  

To ignite a spark, 

to create a flame. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Forgotten Image

Forgotten Image 

What about me, 

What has happened? 

Can’t you see? 

That inner voice yell’s out at me, 

Questioning the image in the mirror, 

Out of touch, 

Changed so much, 

Not the man I use to be, 

Don’t give in, 

Learn to begin, 

Start a new, 

Believe in you, 

Together we will see it through, 

Create a new, 

Just be true, 

True to you, 

From the heart at the start, 

Image what could happen, 

Find a new passion, 

Breathe and let it happen. 

 

 

Jigsaw

Jigsaw 

 

Putting together the pieces of this broken man, 

A jigsaw I don’t understand, 

Not sure where each piece goes, 

Guess I will have to take it slow, 

A piece at a time, 

No picture to follow, 

Starting on the outer rim that is where I will begin, 

Piece by piece I will give it a go, 

To put this man together again, 

To make him whole. 

Nothing

Nothing  

 

I have come to realize I am nothing, 

Nothing is what I am, 

Understanding I am nothing, 

I have become something, 

Now I understand, 

So nothing is something, 

Something is who I am, 

I am something, 

I am has value, 

I am me, 

Now I see. 

 

 

 

 

Understanding

Understanding 

 

Not bound by rules, 

I am not at school, 

Taking a rain check on the lessons already given, 

Free to express what’s on my mind, 

In my own time, 

On my own path, 

With my decisions, 

Listening to my heart to my final destination, 

At present in a place I need to be, 

Place of understanding, 

Understanding me. 

Consultation

Consultation 

 

Can you help me find a way out of the labyrinth one day? 

To view life clearly in clarity, 

To understand the mess I am in, 

Oh were do we begin, 

I will talk and you can listen, 

Still not sure this is the right decision. 

 

 

Friends Light

Friends Light 

 

I need my friends to show me a guiding light, 

Rescue me from this plight, 

To save me from ending the day, 

Show me a guiding light, 

Can you light the way? 

Bring me out of the darkness to live, 

To live again, 

Help me, 

Can you brighten up my day? 

Alone in my loneliness, 

I question why, 

The reason my heart is broke, 

When you said goodbye,  

Relationship in turmoil past the point of no return, 

Emotional melting point as untruths are told, 

Help me, 

Do you really care? 

Are you really there? 

Help me, 

Will you light the way? 

Help me, 

Can you brighten up my day? 

I have reached ignition point, 

Emotional overload, 

Heart at breaking point, 

Now love has reached its goal, 

Fire is burning bright before the flame says good bye, 

The flame is dead, 

In my heart, 

The flame is dead, 

My flame is dead, 

Help me, 

Do you really care? 

Are you really there? 

Help me, 

Will you light the way? 

Help me, 

Can you brighten up my day? 

In the burnt out zone, 

Listening to sad songs, 

Reference to the past of what the lyrics meant, 

Lost in the wilderness of Hell’s vast plain, 

Searching for the gates to escape the pain, 

Choking on the ashes of long lost souls,  

Friends deserted them and left them to their plight, 

I need to escape to live again, 

Have to escape the burnt out zone, 

I need my friends to show me a guiding light, 

To rescue me from this plight, 

To save me from ending the day, 

Show me a guiding light, 

Can you light the way? 

Bring me out of the darkness to live, 

To live again, 

Show me, 

Show me the way, 

Can you show me the way? 

Show me a guiding light, 

Can you light the way? 

Bring me out of the darkness to live,  

Live again, 

I need my friends, 

I need my friends, 

Help me, 

Help me, 

Help me…… 

 

Limbo

Limbo 

 

The past is in the past, 

Cannot undo what’s been done, 

Letting go to become undone, 

Easier said than done, 

Sitting, Just starring, 

Not caring, 

Lesson in life, 

What a lesson, 

Memories of yesterday fading, 

Time goes by distance pending, 

Wondering what is in store, 

Behind closed doors, 

Watching the clouds float by, 

Silently, 

Trying to decide,

What twist of fate I must face? 

As I sit and question why? 

 

 

Here and Now

Here and now 

 

Standing tall, 

All alone, Contemplating my fate, 

Which way to go, 

I don’t know, 

My minds not in the right place, 

Searching for a guiding light, 

A pointer for my way, 

Standing in this place for a while, 

Searching for a way, 

A mask I wear to hide my pain, 

Pretending I don’t care, 

But on my own, 

My eyes can’t lie as tears stream down my face, 

I must move on, 

Can’t bear it here in this horrible place, 

Where to go I don’t know, 

What’s the future hold for my tortured soul, 

Time will let me know. 

 

 

Night Time Blues

Night time Blues 

 

Sleeping is hard for me to do, 

Suffering from night time blues, 

For I keep dreaming of you, 

Your face is the vision I see day after day, 

You are in my head in so many different ways, 

Time is a healer so they say, 

As the clock hands move forward in their natural way, 

Living my life day by day, 

Yesterday has gone, 

Past along the way, 

Only memories remain of what once was, 

Haunted by words and things that have been said, 

No longer now do we share a bed, 

Photographs remind us of what we had and what has been thrown away, 

The good times,  

Bad times of the years gone past are lessons learnt on life’s great path, 

Going separate ways is the hardest thing to do, 

Day after day, 

Going forward is a starter, 

Slowly contemplating my way, 

Two steps forward, 

Five steps back as I go along on my way, 

Rightly or wrongly I will learn how to move forward with life’s great plan. 

For you

I cannot find the words to speak,

Please do not think that I am weak,

For my strength comes from within to write the words with my pen,

To express my feelings that I cannot hide,

I wonder if my words you read, will make an impression on you,

Or even get a like,

C'est La Vie

C'est La vie

So be it,

I heard my heart say,

My mind shouted one more day,

My body acted with out words,

As actions speak louder than words,

Tears ran down my cheeks,

I did not think I was week,

As my hand waved you good bye,

Rivers Lesson

Rivers Lesson 

 

I learned my lessons well, 

As I lived in the pain, 

Through life’s little game, 

As river’s flowed from their source, 

From my eyes again, 

Raging torrents flowing free, 

Waterfalls to me feet, 

Unable to stem the flow, 

As my eyes continued to weep, 

Through crimson eyes I viewed your lies, 

To come to terms with your deceit, 

You forced me to my knees, 

Feeling week in defeat, 

The pulse, of the heart of a broken man. 

Words

Words 

 

I have no words to say about today, 

I haven’t spoken but it’s not my voice that is broken, 

Words of truth enraged on how I truly feel, 

Contained within, 

How to express, 

Going through hell, 

Living through the highs, 

Then suffering the lows, 

Knowing that my friends don’t understand, 

What I am going through, 

Words said to get me through, 

Living with a broken heart, 

What do I do now? 

What do I do to get me through? 

Lost all hope, 

How to cope, 

Looking for answers,

Alone, 

On my own, 

In the rut I am stuck. 

 

 

Enigmas

Enigmas 

 

Navigating the labyrinth in my mind, 

Seeking to break free, 

Trying to unravel the enigmas that have ensnared me, 

Twist and turns along the way, 

Not the direction that I seek, 

Isolated and alone, 

Feeling very week, 

Patiently unraveling the way I had been, 

Remembering not to travel that way again, 

Setting markers on my path, 

So I don’t get lost again, 

Looking for signs to guide me on my way, 

Hopefully I will be free one day. 

The Valley

The Valley 

 

Walking through the valley of death,  

Analyzing my life to see what is left, 

Where to go, 

What to do, 

Who do I want to get to know? 

Living and breathing within reason, 

Writing a story as I go, 

Little pause here, 

Little pause there, 

Watching as I go, 

Memories new along the way, 

Each morning brings a brand new day. 

Lost

Lost 

 

Lost my focus, 

Lost my mind, 

Not sure of my direction, 

Just wasting time, 

In the rain, 

Trying to control the pain, 

As I slowly rebuild again, 

Up’s and downs,  

Silly frowns, 

Funny life’s little games, 

Feeling like I am going insane. 

Love Songs

Love Songs 💓

 

A thousand love songs could never express how I feel right now, 

The emptiness inside my chest, 

My body caving in as my body compresses, 

Hope and faith keeping me breathing as the day begins, 

My heart sings to its own beat, 

In rhythm with the defeat, 

Pumping to stay alive, 

To pursue to survive. 

  

 

Autumn

Autumn 

 

I opened my eyes and said goodbye, 

Through the tears and the pain, 

Leaves fell as Autumn came, 

Golden brown tumbling from a high, 

Twisting and turning on the way down, 

Floating to the ground, 

I counted everyone, 

Laying at my feet, 

Ankle deep in a carpet on the ground, 

Naked and bare the trunks stand there, 

Supporting bare branches, 

Part of nature’s course, 

Cold wind blows, 

They stand there waiting until the warm wind returns, 

Leaves are born again. 

 

 

The Walk

The Walk 

 

Walking away is hard for me, 

The pain I feel want go away, 

Walking away from the one I love, 

Walking away from you, 

It’s the hardest thing I have had to do, 

You’re in my head, 

In my heart, 

Tormented is my soul, 

Not sure anymore if I can find the right words to say, 

Trying to detach from the one I love, 

Hurts me every day, 

Past is past, 

Yet the memories stay,

Reminding me of what we had, 

What has been thrown away? 

The path is long but I want stray, 

I will stay the course every day, 

Letting go I have to do, 

Letting go of you, 

I can’t stay married in your single life, 

So no longer can you be my wife, 

Friends we will see, 

The children are my priority, 

Not sure what the future has in store, 

Going forward to explore, 

I wish you happiness, 

On your way, 

For what was is in the past is there to stay, 

Not sure if you understand, 

After all I am just a humble man,  

I tried so hard to make you listen, 

However you had already made your decision. X 

Thoughts

Thoughts 

 

Open minded, 

I decline, 

Just don’t like the answers, 

Deep in thought, 

I retort with angry answers, 

Not like me to offend so easily, 

Stepping back that’s my tact, 

To get some clarity, 

Needing time to analyse what is happening to me, 

Questioning why I wanted to die, 

The answer comes so easily, 

Living life with a broken heart is what you have left for me, 

Flying free, 

Free from me that is what you have asked to be, 

To live your life happily, 

Don’t worry about me, 

Going forward is my only way, 

Living day by day, 

Hoping the pain will ebb away, 

Son and a daughter comfort me, 

They are my priority, 

To see them live their lives gives me hope, 

For what will be will be, 

To one day live my life freely. 

 

 

Warning please don't eat me,

Self tested,

Just being honest 

A new dawn,A new day, A new life for me,

Live for the day

Grrrrrrr, it's one of those days 

Sleep

Please let me sleep,

I don't have to think,

Just dream

Starting over is the hardest thing to do, 

To except change and pull yourself up,

Dusting down and starting life again,

Labyrinth

Labyrinth 

 

Listen you can hear the pain echoing within my mind, 

Trying to escape the labyrinth within, 

Trying to smile again, 

A tortured soul, 

Caged within, 

Rainy days I know them well, 

That’s how the story goes, 

Rivers flow as I question why, 

On these dark miserable days, 

Turning left, 

Turning right, 

Going on straight ahead, 

Dead ends there, 

My mind going into despair, 

Searching for a guiding light, 

To guide me from my plight, 

To help me escape this labyrinth, 

Restricting me with my life, 

Silence in my darkness, 

As I struggle to hear a sound, 

Hoping to hear the footsteps, 

Of a lost soul in this maze, 

Hoping that they have found and exit, 

An easier path to follow, 

Hopefully I will find that path, 

Hopefully it will be tomorrow… 

 

 

Distortion

Distortion 

A distortion in time, 

Problem defined, 

A little seed inside of me, 

Growing in my head, 

Fueling fear to my dread, 

Stress and anxiety start to show, 

Tormented is my soul, 

The vicious circle continues, 

Round and round it goes, 

What is the answer? 

I don’t know, 

Need to get control, 

Learning to let go, 

Of what meant everything to me, 

Feeling sad as one can be. 

Mirror Image

Mirror Image 

 

Mirror please don’t speak, 

I don’t want to hear the words you would say to me, 

I find it hard to look at my image in the eye, 

Who is this guy? 

Who breaks down and cries, 

Questioning why. 

 

 

Missing

Missing 

 

I look in the mirror, 

What do I see? 

Who is that looking back at me? 

Not recognized the person I see, 

Who was once known to me? 

A blank expression of a face once known, 

An image of a broken soul, 

Lost in limbo, 

Floating in time, 

Fighting for stability and a real reason why, 

Broken hearted betrayed by love, 

The one he trusted the most. 

 

 

Feelings out of Control

Feelings out of Control 

 

Way up high, 

Way down low, 

That is the way my feelings go, 

Reaching out trying to hold on, 

Trying to learn to let you go, 

Words of love, 

Words of hate, 

They come out in the debate, 

Crimson eyes I cannot hide, 

As tears gently roll down my face, 

Walking on, 

To remain strong, 

What once was has been and gone,  

Hour by hour, 

Day by day, 

Walking forward in the haze, 

Feeling lost, 

Feeling worthless, 

Trying to find life’s purpose, 

It is what it is, 

Just have to learn, 

To comes to terms with being alone, 

Moving forward step by step, 

Learning to start over.  

Drowning in Pain

Drowning in Pain 

 

Walked through the rain on the sunny days, 

Fell in the rivers to drown in the pain, 

Carried by currents to new domains, 

Only resurfacing to rasp hold of life again, 

Wallowing in self-pity, 

The loss of yesterday, 

Fearing the future, 

A pause in time, 

To plan the life that remains. 

 

 

Glass

Glass 

 

A soul with in a fragile vessel, 

Baptised by the tears of a failed romance, 

A mind suppressed, 

Not able to function, 

Lost in a fog, 

Drinking at the Devil’s Bar, 

In the unhappy hour, 

Accompanied by other lost souls in the disaster zone, 

Listening to the sounds on the duke box, 

Passing the time away, 

Starring at the bottom of the glass, 

What away to spend the day, 

 

My Words

My Words 

Don’t want to use another man’s lyrics to express the way I feel, 

Learning from the lessons in life, 

That last lesson was too real, 

Choking in the reality, 

As you pulled the heart from my chest, 

Leaving me in a bloody mess, 

Broken hearted the day I departed not knowing what to do, 

Broken oaths and broken vows meant nothing to you, 

Treating me like a fool, 

Growing in time through the pain, 

Learning to dance in the rain, 

Dying from a broken heart,  

After a life has been torn apart, 

Coming to terms in the end, 

At a marriages end, 

Picking up the pieces to put together again, 

The life that remains, 

Believing in hope, 

Learning to cope, 

As I start over again. 

 

 

Now

Now 

 

Sand slipping through my hand, 

No way to stop it, 

Time out of control, 

How long left I don’t know, 

Caught in a period I don’t like, 

There has to be more to life, 

In time I will know. 

 

 

Stormy Times

Stormy Times  

 

Stormy times in my life, 

Dark clouds over me, 

Darkness in my life, 

It’s hard to see, 

Grey and dreary, 

Depressing times, 

Why did this happen to me, 

Losing what I treasured most, 

Lost so easily, 

Questioning why each time I cry, 

Life has become a misery, 

Need to get rid of these dark clouds, 

The ones hovering over me. 

  

 

Once Upon aTime

Once Upon A Time 

 

Once upon a time a Fairy Tale got broken, 

Ruined by betrayal and destruction, 

Tale of a broken heart, 

A lost soul walks alone on a path, 

What ever happened to Fairy Tales? 

Are they ever real, 

I believe in Fairy Tales, Do you? 

A Prince saves a Princess a damson in distress, 

But who saves a Prince if the roles are reversed, 

In times of emotional struggle not knowing who is friend or foe, 

Not knowing what to do or where to go, 

Perhaps one day I will meet you and a Fairy Tale will unfold,  

You could be a Princess, 

I could be a Prince, I

n time you could be my Queen and I would be a King, 

I believe in Fairy Tales, 

A true loves kiss, 

A love potion to last, 

Drunk from a heart shaped glass, 

Cupid’s arrow shot from a distant space, 

Hit home in a hollow chest, 

A beauty spies a beast, 

Would she take a risk? 

To how gentle he could be, 

Enchanted by a smile or a spoken word, 

Hello, 

Not to judge a cover until the book is read,  

Once upon a time in a land far away a Princess kissed a frog and a Prince was saved, 

I believe in Fairy Tales, Fairy, Fairy Tales, 

Do you? 

 

 

Walking Away

Walking Away 

 

When you are asked to turn around, 

But there is no common ground, 

Just keep walking, 

When you are asked to talk it out, All you do is shouting,  

What is the use in talking?  

When clouds are grey, Heavy above, 

Your shadow is the only one you can trust, 

Keep on walking, 

When life is not what it was, 

Finding it very tough, Hard to adjust, 

When you are all alone, 

Your heart is broken, 

Really broken, 

You are chocking, 

When you are going through hell, 

Hearing the toll of the bell, 

Just keep on walking, 

Walking away from yesterday, 

Heading to another day, 

Learning to live another way, 

On a chosen path, 

Yours to control to the last, 

Many cross roads along the way, 

To rest or delay, Until a decision is made, 

Just keep on walking, 

Walking

Lived

Lived 

 

I have lived with the Devil, 

The Devil has lived with me, 

Spell the word in reverse you will see what I mean, 

In the Valley of Life when things go wrong, 

You must find the strength to carry on, 

Time is short and goes so fast, 

A moment cannot be reversed, 

So make the most It the moment you have, 

You never know it might be your last. 

 

  

Lesson Learnt

Lesson Learnt 

 

I have learnt my lesson, 

The one you have given, 

The truth it hurt me, 

I learned my lesson after the session, 

It won’t happen again, 

As I walk away. 

Tears

Tears  

 

A billion rain drops fall from the sky, 

The same number that fall from my eyes, 

Crimson eyes behind the tides, 

As streams form as they flow, 

Grey days herald their call as rain drops start to fall, 

Days of drizzle as I weep, 

Thunder, Lightening as we speak, 

A deluge now around my feet. 

Rivers

Rivers  

 

Rivers flow from these crimson eyes, 

I cannot control the tides, 

Visions of you control my thoughts, 

I don’t know what to do, 

Tsunami waves come crashing down, 

Gone are my defences, 

Wearing me down, 

Water marks scar my heart repeatedly, 

Bleeding dry from my eyes, 

Will it be like this to the day I die? 

Betrayed by love, 

Why oh why, 

I am a decent guy, 

Is it that easy for you to say goodbye. 

Heart Break

Heart Break 

 

Tears flowing from crimson eyes, 

Cascading down caressing one’s cheeks, 

Crying forever with regret, 

Biting the lip to ease the pain, 

Trying to remain sane, 

Questioning doubt, 

Figuring out, 

What it all means, 

Choking throat, 

Turning tummy, 

Sometimes life is not funny, 

Afraid of losing you, 

Not sure what to do, 

Afraid to speak, 

In case it’s goodbye, 

Just hiding behind crimson eyes, 

Patiently waiting telling you what you are, 

You are special, 

You are beautiful, 

So in love with you I am, 

Watching, 

Wanting, 

Hopefully one day you will want me too, 

Hiding behind crimson eyes waiting as time subsides. 

 

 

 

Touching Emotions

Touching Emotions 

 

Walking the boulevard of broken dreams, Going through seven degrees of separation, 

I am a mess but I don’t want to get drunk again, I can’t let it go or hold back the river, 

Can’t imagine a world without you, Trying to lose you on the flume, 

Scars need to heal, Feeling incomplete, 

Wearing my best fake smile, Trying to get out while you can, 

Good riddance to me, Nice guys come last, 

I don’t want another love, Grow old with me, 

I will battle, I will chase rubies because I care, 

You can’t hideaway, Won’t allow a beautiful mistake, 

Let’s go back to when we were on fire and let the clocks go forward, 

I hear your heart, I see the sparks as I wait in line, I need the sun to break so I can see all of me, 

Angels contemplate my fate, You and I are just ordinary people, 

Everybody knows I can change so lay me down, You are safe with me, It’s not all about sex, 

You are a grade eight, One photograph of Tenerife Sea,

 So wake me up to make you feel my love, Everything you are I love, 

I’ve been to the city and sang with Ed, This is it, So give me love and kiss me, 

Don’t look back in anger I can fix you, Stop crying your eyes out for your heart will go on, 

Little by little build a wonder wall, So say something before we collide for I am feeling incomplete, 

Not looking for a perfect replacement, I want go quietly, 

Let’s build a Lego house together for I will stand by you, 

I want to be your hero so take me to church so I can pray for two lives, 

So we can sing again. 

 

Dreams

Dreams 

 

Dreams of the future are haunting me, 

Predictions frighten me, 

Spoken truths are the reality, 

What could or could not be, 

Patiently waiting for what will be, 

In the present broken hearted, 

Getting to grips with reality, 

What has happened between you and me? 

Open, 

Honest, 

With sincerity I hope you are listening to me, 

I have said it all what you are and mean to me, 

Dreaming of the future, 

I want it to be with you,  

My love will last eternity, 

No plans have I, 

Prepared to live day by day, 

I see you, I hope you see me too, 

Dreaming of the future, 

It is so hard for me, 

Watching, 

Looking, 

Learning and remembering what I see, 

Listening now I am intently, 

To what you are saying to me.   

Suffering

Suffering 

Seeing you cry, 

I question why, 

It is you, who wanted this, 

Why oh why, 

It hurts me to the core, 

You said you did not love me anymore, 

Your eyes don’t lie, 

It is good bye, 

Although I question why, 

Thrown away the love that was, 

Thrown away all my trust, 

Destroying what we had, 

Memories of what once was, 

Photographs of all that was, 

Still remind me of our love. 

Feeling Silent

Feeling Silent 

 

I don’t want to talk anymore, 

I don’t want to see you no more, 

It is not a game, 

I don’t want you to see my pain, 

You hurt me to the core, 

My heart is not the same no more, 

You want to be friends, 

What is that about? 

You say you love me, 

But not like that, 

You say you don’t feel the same, 

Are you playing games? 

Perhaps you will wake up one day, 

You will see what you threw away,  

You were my world, 

I loved you so, 

You knew that though, 

All the same, You let me go, 

Destroyed all that meant so much to me, 

The family you pulled apart, 

Broken dreams a reality, 

A heart torn apart, 

Detached and alone where do I start, 

I need to listen to my soul, 

On my path I slowly go. 

Broken

Broken 

 

World in two, 

Not sure what to do, 

Frightened and insecure, 

I don’t want to lose you, 

Understanding where we are, 

Coming to terms with what has occurred, 

Burnt and scared, Broken hearted, 

I still yearn, 

So great is my love for you, 

Grant me time, 

No limits have been set, 

Day by day, 

Take it slow, 

Get to know, 

Without regret, 

What we have is so valuable, 

I will show, 

We can repair what has been broken, 

You have to be prepared to give it a go. 

 

 

The Heart of a Broken Man Part 5

I died on the 6TH August  2017, a massive heart attack totally unexpected. 

Why I was chosen to survive when statistically the odds were not in my favor but I did.  

It was not my time and it put a lot of things into place the value of materialistic items compared to the value of life. 

Yes, there are things that I experienced and I did recall a vision, however that is a story for another day. When I explain all I ask is for you to be open minded for I cannot explain it. 

  

 

 

 

  

        

The Heart of a Broken Man Part 4

When you love someone you love them, a passion an emotional connection a bond that you have with that special person. 

When words are said with that in mind it is so hard to except rejection and hard to understand after words have been spoken and then broken. 

A human mind can overload trying to understand the logic when another person tells them how they feel and go and do the complete opposite. 

I now understand that you can open your heart to a human and they can tell you what you want to hear and then proceed on a course of action that can destroy a marriage and a family within seconds. 

They say the truth hurts, however trying to establish the truth and understanding why a marriage breaks down is the killer. 

When a relationship you thought had been built on truth and loyalty ends and you have no option but to walk away with a broken heart still knowing that you are still in love with the women that you married 19 years ago.  

As a man it was the hardest path I have ever had to walk. 

The emotions I was experiencing were challenging, the anxiety, the depression and the loneliness.  Somehow I had to find the will to survive. 

It was not easy with the highs and lows of my mood swings. 

Those I thought were friends kept their distant. Other friends I could not face and I confined myself to the sanctuary of the four walls with a locked door.  

It was for me to find the answers and find the strength and will to rebuild my life.  

My children will always be my priority however our relation due to the breakdown of the marriage created a distance between us. I wanted to protect them from seeing their father a broken man.  

The divorce was horrible, bitter and twisted. 

Who was my ex-wife? 

A side I had never seen, cold and calculated and unfortunately for the law was on her side. 

 

Time

Time 

 

Time stands still for no man, 

Time passes by, with a blink of an eye, 

Fond memories of days long past, 

Fond memories of loved ones lost, 

Tick tock, tick tock the hands on the clock want stop, 

Heading towards the destiny that is known to us, 

Tick tock, 

Reflecting on the past of all those memories and what they mean, 

Don’t dwell on the past that’s history, 

Living in the present is the place to be, 

Hour by hour, day by day, 

Make every second count, 

Tick tock, tick tock the hands on the clock want stop, 

Dreaming of tomorrow and what could be, 

Dreaming of tomorrow, 

Oh I wish I could see, 

Tick tock, tick tock the hands on the clock want stop

Courage

Courage 

 

Standing up to be counted, 

A voice to be heard, 

An opinion to be shared, 

Yes I dared, 

Express my views, 

Counted among the many, 

On how I truly feel, 

Right or wrong my voice has sung, 

The feelings and my believes released, 

A voice to be heard, 

To the listening one. 

Chapters End

Chapters End 

 

Chapters end is hard to write as I lay here late at night, 

The sad songs don’t hurt so much, 

Listening to them in the dark of the night, 

The endless tears stop to flow, 

Now I know I have to let you go, 

I love you, 

You know that though, 

But it is time to let you go, 

Set free from me, 

That is what you have asked to be, 

To live your life not as my wife, 

Separate as one can be, 

Moving on excepting fate of what’s to come, 

Accept what is, 

Let go of what was, 

Have faith in what will be, 

Hour by hour, 

Day by day, 

Moving forward slowly, 

Closing a chapter, 

Without closure if you know what I mean, 

Can’t fix what is broken unless it is meant to be.   

 

 

Tears

Tears  

A billion rain drops fall from the sky,
The same number that fall from my eyes,
Crimson eyes behind the tides,
As streams form as they flow,
Grey days herald their call as rain drops start to fall,
Days of drizzle as I weep,
Thunder,
Lightening as we speak,
A deluge now around my feet.

Rivers Lesson

Rivers Lesson  

 

I learned my lessons well, 

As I lived in pain, 

Through life’s little game, 

As the rivers flowed from their source, 

From my eyes again, 

Raging torrents flowing free, 

Waterfalls to my feet, 

Unable to stem the flow, 

As my eyes continued to weep, 

Through crimson eyes I viewed your lies, 

To come to terms with your deceit, 

You brought me to my knees.   

Demons

Demons 

 

Standing, sitting, lying down, even when I sleep, 

Tormented by the Demons with the noises they make, 

Hissing, whistling, ringing, screaming and buzzing, continuously within deep, 

Endlessly repeating week after week, 

Louder and louder they torment until they decide to play hide and seek. 

Whispering within deep,  

Pretending to be asleep, 

Back with a vengeance to torment me, 

Day and night,  

Week by week, 

Awakening me from my sleep, 

Slowly into despair I go, 

Tormented, Out of reach, 

Deafened by the noise, 

Sometimes I cannot here people speak, 

Isolated and alone feeling week, 

Invisible to others the illness is, 

No injuries no scars visible to see,  

Alone but for my torment,  

Frustrating me. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Fall

The Fall 

 

Slowly, slowly down I slide to the pool I despise, 

I reach out to break my fall, 

Fighting the Demons that haunt me, 

Pushing, pushing willing me in, 

Lost souls wait for me within, 

I am not that strong, 

I am weak, I lost my grip, 

In I fall, frantic, cannot breathe, 

Struggling, grasping, seeking, 

Searching for a foothold to save me, 

Save me from the souls that lovingly caress me, 

Down and down into the deep I sink, 

Given up, down I go, out of reach, 

Another emotional suicide too weak to speak,  

Too proud to be deemed weak, 

Down and down I go, I sink, 

Peaceful and calm I drift, carried by the current, 

Caressed by others, 

Drowning, drowning free to go, 

Haunted no more, I think, I blink not been here before, 

Beating, beating in my chest it’s not my time to let go yet, 

Swimming hard and fast I break the surface and gasp, breathing deep, 

Demons pulling, I lash out, 

Grabbing, grabbing get me out, 

Screaming shouting all about, 

Ray of hope I reach out and grabbed the edge that I felt, I got out, 

Sitting and starring in, 

Contemplating my fate of where I had just been,  

Time to face the facts, 

Time to react, 

Time to talk, 

Sitting on the edge and starring in. 

 

 

The Heart of a Broken Man Part 3

It was not my imagination had my guardian angels protected me. Why was I worthy to be saved?  

Why me? From that day I regularly attend the church and they have supported me and provided valuable council. 

From many sitting positions around the bay I sit and look at the cliff and wonder. 

I am now divorced from my wife after my suspicions were confirmed. I was made redundant and changed my career at the age of 50 years. 

Sadly life threw a few more curve balls in my direction in which I have had to accept and adapt to. Firstly I detached my bicep in which after an operation the recovery was very lengthy.  Secondly the trauma of the divorce took its toll and I suffered a massive heart attack due to stress and hypertension.  Why me? 

Why not I don’t consider myself special but here I am a survivor.   

Through the events of my life I had to find a way of calming my mind and writing and drawing became an aid to assisting me in capturing my feelings. 

It is hard to come to terms with being in love with a person to find out that she has betrayed you without any real justification. Nineteen years cannot be forgotten and when children are involved it is even harder. To divorce the woman I loved was the most painful emotional experience that broke my heart.  

Where there is an action there is a reaction and in the end I could not bear to be in her presence or even be able to communicate with her.  

Some of my writings capture my feelings from my experience of the tinnitus and my emotions through the divorce and the process of healing.  

I have learned through my experiences that the body and mind can be broken but the soul and spirit of a man can survive and learn to start again from a new beginning. Two of the most powerful words that mean a lot to me are Faith and Hope.  

I do believe in paths and crossroads and in my writings I occasional mention them. The writings are a true reflection of where I was at certain emotional periods suffering the highs and the lows with depression and anxiety dealing with how a man’s life can change due to the action of another human being.  

Please enjoy my writings with an open mind and if they help you then this record of my story has been beneficial. 

 

 

The Heart of a Broken Man Part 2

The Heart of a Broken Man 

Sometimes I did not have the energy and would stay where I had stopped. 

Asked what I feared I openly told him the pool of despair that awaited me. 

Potentially I could plunge deep into the pool and be lost.  

Depression and anxiety come hand in hand and I like many humans I was in that rut. 

The negative attitude fueled by the tinnitus was wearing me down. 

The beliefs and the consequences of the cycle were too strong.   

There is a lot of debate associated with a human who thinks about suicide and a person who commits suicide for reasons that are very personal to that individual who is in that state of mind at the time. Respectfully I will not get involved in that debate for this attempt was associated with my life. 

As I sat admiring the view from the cliff top on my favorite bench on that Good Friday thinking things over and trying to analyse and in my own mind trying to understand what was happening to my life, it was like a switch being turned on and in a split second I was up and headed towards the cliff edge with at that moment in time my feet going over. 

To this day I cannot really understand or explain how I failed to go over the edge. 

A force hit me hard in my chest and I was thrown back onto the ground. 

Scrambling back I came back to the bench were I had previously been sat. 

A few individuals came to my aid in which I assured them that I was OK and asked for some privacy, I was embarrassed and very emotionally upset.  

I quickly got on my bike and left as you can imagine with a lot on my mind. 

How I ended up in the church where I got married was not planned but there I was looking up at a stained glass window of Jesus surround by lambs.  

Was I a religious person, not at the time, yet here I was sat crying in pew wondering what divine force had thrown me back from the edge.